The long and short of it

For the second time, here it is.

Not quite the colmination of my Total Film short film project, but at least the first scene from the script.

I could get all emotional about what a pleasure it's been to write this blog and that I've learnt so much about myself through doing it (which it has and I have), but rather than a lengthy goodbye, I'm going to leave you in the company of Fergal.

Fergal.

(working title)

by

Alexander Plant

Scene 1

INT: BEDROOM - Late afternoon.

The BEDROOM is typical of that of a student. It is messy. There are CLOTHES on the floor, the WALL is covered in POSTERS of various bands and films and there are lots of PHOTOS depicting people on nights out. Lying on the BED is PENNY, an attractive young woman with dark hair. She is looking up towards the ceiling. Sitting to the side of her and gazing at her fondly is FERGAL. He dressed casually and looks like any other slacker. He wears a PLAID SHIRT over an overwashed black T-SHIRT.

As the following scene unfolds the camera starts as a close up on PENNY. It then slowly pulls back.

PENNY

I dunno, he was just an asshole. I'm

fed up with guys like that, I really

am.

FERGAL

(o/c)

Yeah.

PENNY

You bet your ass, yeah. I just want to

be with someone who's good for me. I

mean, looking back now, I've always gone

for guys that I had an initial attraction

to but never bothered to find anything out

about them before hand. And that was

generally the problem: there was nothing

interesting about them.

FERGAL

(still partly o/c)

Yeah.

PENNY

Uh huh. I've grown to realise the

importance of friendship in relationsips.

A physical attraction just isn't enough.

I find that I'm at the age now where I

want companionship. It's not like I'm an

old maid or anything, but y'know, I want a

a relationship that's going to last. Like,

that started off as a really good friendhsip.

By this point the camera has zoomed out fully.

FERGAL

(raising an eyebrow)

Oh?

PENNY sits up and turns to face him.

PENNY

Yeah. I think it's obvious really.

FERGAL

(nervously)

Is it?

PENNY

(giggling)

Yeah, how can be in love with someone

your not friends with?

FERGAL

(his voice goes momentarily

high pitched)

L-love?

PENNY

Absolutely. I can't believe I didn't

see it before. This changes everything.

She looks down and smiles to herself.

FERGAL

It certainly does.

FERGAL moves in to kiss her. She doesn't see him coming and stands up. Consequently, he falls off the bed.

PENNY

Oh Ferg, you're so silly. Come on,

let's go get chicken.

PENNY leaves the BEDROOM. FERGAL slowly pulls himself up. He has a FEATHER in his mouth. He spits it out then pauses.

FERGAL

Bitch.

He then slowly leaves the BEDROOM

CUT TO:

My Comical Romance

This is where I boil blogging down to its essence: moaning about "chicks and stuff".

I've never been one to air my dirty laundry for all to see. I'm a fairly private person in that regard. But when it comes to creative writing I could not advise you enough to go straight to your love life.

It's a pot of gold.

Often, I have trouble expressing my feelings and emotions, especially when it comes to anger.

Now, if experience has taught me anything it's that bottling up emotions is not a good thing. Sure, its an easy way to deal with things, but it will damage you. Seriously.

So my advice to you is take your feelings and put them in the form of words. It can be however subtle you like, depending on what your writing for. I think one of the best things I've ever written was my creative writing coursework for my English A-level.

Long story short, I wrote about how crap my love life had been since I was old enough to realise I had one. I tried to write it in a comic way, painting myself as a pathetic idiot who set himself up for disaster everytime he came in contact with a woman.

Not much has changed really.

But it was an extroadarily honest piece of writing because of the realistic level of emotion I was using. I think it could've been taken either way, but fortunately I got a very good grade for it.

Now, I'm not saying that everything I've written/will write is taken directly from my life, nor am I saying you should do that. But borrow things and put a different spin on them. It'll also make you feel a hell of a lot better about it all.

Think about Alice Still Lives Here. Underneath all the hammy acting and terrible continuity you have probably the scariest ex-girl friend imagineable.

I haven't had the worst love life ever, by a long shot. But things have rarely ended pleasantly. I don't really communicate with any of my ex's, two of them flat out hate me. Yet interestingly, they're ones I've never written about...

I bring all this up because I'm going in a similar direction for the short film I'm working on. I want to do something on a more personal level that people will be able to connect with.

That's a pretty tall order for film that has to be less than ten minutes long, but I just want to make something people can watch and be like "Yeah, that's true."

I'm not going to making any overly obvious references to specific individuals, just in case you were thinking "Oh great, I can take revenge by suing his ass Mars and back." I'm smarter than that.

Well, maybe I am...

On a similar note, a film that has always been very personal to me is High Fidelity.

I was in my early teens when I first saw it and at that time I was mostly loved it for Jack Black (to this day I still think it's his best performance) but as I grew older I was able to relate to the whole failed love side of the film, as well idea of living a life through music.

I'm sure I have a great film in me that is of the same ilk as High Fidelity, it'll probably be a complete rip off, but at least it'll be flattering.

That'll be how I get sued, I'm sure of it.

But to me the film offers great insight into the male mind in a way few other films do. I'd love to just write something that was simply about being the kind of man I am.

I was lucky enough to meet High Fidelity's director, the oscar nominated Stephen Frears, a few months ago. I told him how much the film meant to me and then had a brief conversation with him about "watching out for Clint Eastwood".

It was all very embarrassing in hind sight, like so many of the things I do (see "Video Nasty").

Shiny

So, heres a surprise: Theres been a largely positive reaction to my video blog. Ok, its not like people are coming up to me in the street and being all "Hey, do the Broken Wings dance, yo!" But I have been having a lot of nice feedback from people.

I'm still expecting a good flaming, though.

While I'm on the subject of online videos, you absolutely need to watch Playstation 3 ads. They're unbleivable! They're so messed up its untrue. I think a few of them have been on TV, but the full 5 minute one is available here, as well as the shorter ones. They are seriously brilliant. It's like if David Lynch directed a Playstation advert. I've become quite obsessed with them. I'm even writing an essay on them currently for one of my modules.

But anyway, the Total Film short film contest, my new goal. I've hatched an idea, I don't want to say too much about it really, I'm saving that for my next post. But I've begun to plan it all out.

The deadline is July 16th, I think, so what I'm planning to do is have it written by the time I finish the semester for Uni. That might be a little difficult as I have a couple of essays coming and then exams to worry about, but I'm gonna try my best.

I've always aimed to try and make my impression while I'm still relatively young, Sam Raimi style. Its all very wishful thinking, but this could be an opportunity and I intend to seize it. If not to try and win the competition, then for the sheer joy of making films, which is what it should all boil down to. If I don't do it because I love it, then what would be the point of wanting to have a career in it?

My video blog reminded me how much I love editing. Kevin Smith says that his favourite parts of making a film are the writing and editing, and I totally agree, because those are the two stages where you're able to watch things come together.

I love to see how things develop. Its really rewarding to see something that started off as a silly little idea in your head turn into a really well fleshed out piece.

Speaking of well fleshed out pieces...

I hope to GOD, that people have seen Firefly. Its one of those shows that I could not reccommend enough. You're probably more likely to have heard of Serenity, which was the film that was spawned from the show. But the show is really where the moneys at. Well, technically not, as it did get cancelled, but I know what I mean.

It has possibly the best ensemble cast ever, with some truly impressive performances. I know I always go on about character, but this show is intensely character based. I don't think I'd ever be able to write anything like this. I couldn't manage the sheer amount of complex characters.

Everyone loves Buffy, but I think Joss Whedon truly out did himself with Firefly. The film was great too, but I really hope they make another series. Its such a classy show. It couldn't be more different from Sci-Fi shows like Star Trek. It's so accesible.

If you take one thing away from my blog, and its my advice to you to watch Firefly, then you're one of the lucky ones.

Video Nasty

So here it is:



Filmed unfortunately before I had the revelation about the Total Film short film competition and I probably ramble for far, far too long.

The following is the blurb I wrote for YouTube.

"The first and, most likely, only video installment of unpopular filmmaker Alexander Plant's blog, The Liquid-Chest Files.

In which our hero laments over vlogging "because he has to", talks about himself as if people actually know who he is, seeks to find a way to integrate himself into the YouTube community then breaks his neighbours window whilst trying to do so, tries to explain the format of his blog, talks very briefly about having a screenwriting revelation, brown noses Kevin Smith perhaps a little too much, talks about American Pie as if it's The Godfather, has a sad moment of self-realisation and worries about being flamed to death."

"Swallow this!"

I read this great article in Total Film magazine earlier. It was the first in a three part guide as to how to make a film. They're also running a competition that you can send short films in for, with prizes in numerous different categories.

It was all rather basic stuff, but very interesting indeed. It was written by the guys who wrote The Guerilla Filmmaker's Handbook, something that should be my Bible, but is actually something I've only ever had a quick flick through whilst in book stores. I should really change that.

Anyway, the reason I bring all this up because I feel like I've lost sight a little of my original aims when I set out to write this blog. Sure, it's been helpful for me indeed, I've made more progress over the span of the past seven posts than I have in the past seven months. But I'm still not working towards anything in particular, when I really should be.

So I'm going to grab the proverbial bull by the proverbial horns and do proverbial things to it...

By this, of course, I am not referring to any kind of bestiality (no matter how proverbial) and, obviously, am referring to the fact that I intend to enter Total Film's short film competition.

So alright, this could be seen as a bit of cop out, as I intended to be working toward a feature film, and, in all honesty, that is what I would much rather do than make another short. However, writing this blog has opened me up to a lot of truths about myself. What started off as a place where I could publish silly little ramblings has taken on a very psychological edge, for me at least. Because, I'm sure you're thinking, "Okay, he's finally lost it."

And maybe I have. Maybe I have...

Either way, this blog has become very cathartic for me. And I've realised that I need to get some serious practice in as a filmmaker, if I ever want to make it.

Don't believe me? Remind yourself of Alice Still Lives Here.

Good. I'm glad we're on the same page now.

So here I am, now with a clearly defined goal. Of course theres no way that I'm going to have a film finished and ready by the time this blog project is over. But I hope that by the end I'll be able to present you, the nonexistent reader, with a sample of a script.

Also, I'm not completely out of practice, as my video blog, which is nearly finished, was a nice little exercise in editing, as you'll see very soon.

Right now, though, I want to take a few moments to talk about The Evil Dead.

It probably seems dated to most viewers, considering how special effects have come along over the last 25 years, but for fans of cult horror and anyone with an interest in filmmaking, the film remains a classic. It's a truly iconic horror comedy, it's sequel (my favourite) even more so and it made me a die hard Bruce Campbell fan (his books are genius and he lights up any screen he appears on).

But what's most important is the story of how it was made. Sam Raimi was only 19 when he made The Evil Dead, that's as old as I am now, hence my eagerness to get a move on. It's a great lesson in filmmaking, but one that you'll need to find out for yourself. I don't want to dampen the effect by rambling on about it here. Hopefully, it'll strike you in the same way it struck me, that is if you haven't already seen it. And if not, you clearly have had your soul swallowed by a deadite.

Video blog next!

Alsh.

Skip to the End

I often wonder that if I ever get round to making, or even writing, a film, what type of film it would be. I'm a fan of most genres, but, truth be told, most of my favourite films are genre oddities or genre splicers.

Who could deny the perfect marriage of horror and comedy in Evil Dead 2?

Or who wouldn't shed a manly tear at the superhero/coming of age/family romp that is The Iron Giant.

I don't care who knows it: I love that film.

The fact is that I never set out to rewrite the sci-fi genre.

I never intended to give the horror genre a much needed reinvigoration.

And I will most likely never do either of those things.

I don't really have a grand idea when it comes to what I want to do, or what I want to say. All I know is that I just want to make films. All I really want to do, give people something in their lives that makes them a little bit happier.

Sounds really cheesy, I know, but if anything I ever did had an effect similar to the one that Clerks has had on me, I'd die more than happy.

Of course therein lies the problem. I'm my own worst critic. I have such fiendishly high standards (I know that's hard to believe if you've seen Alice...) that I never never come up with anything up to scratch.

Especially when theres someone already beating me to it.

In a previous post I mentioned that Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright were partly responsible for returning my faith back in this country. This was no lie.

I think everyone and their dog has seen, and loved, Shaun of the Dead. Rightly so too. Along with Lock-Stock I would say it's one of the last decades most defining British films. Hot Fuzz too, is an extremely enjoyable film, even if it does get a bit messy about two thirds in.

The real jewel in the crown for me though, is Spaced. I'm sure since the popularity of Shaun and Fuzz, most people are now aware that before the Rom-Zom-Com, there was a little show called Spaced.

I think it's pretty safe to say that there hasn't really been another British sitcom like Spaced. I think I read once that when Simon Pegg and Jessica Stevenson started writing it, they wanted to something that was like The Simpsons, with a surrealist edge. That's a pretty fair description I think.

The erratic camera work was something that particularly effected me. I want to so badly to rip-off Edgar Wright's trademark blurry pan cut. Thats just a nickname I gave it. You'll have to watch it for yourself to properly understand it. But it's just an awesome piece of camera/editing technique.

The scripts too, are razor sharp. Absolutely boiling over with pop culture and film references. It's really rewarding for a nerd like me to be able to watch and pick up on the many, many, references.

I get the impression that Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright are guys not so dissimilar to me. They're movie buffs too, albeit with a hell of a lot more talent and flair for originality. They makes films and what not that movie buffs can enjoy. Which, is what I would really love to do.

I remember on walking out of the cinema after seeing Hot Fuzz, my associate, Gash asked me what I thought. I simply replied "I'm just jealous that they're making these films before I get chance to."

Scrambled eggs all over my face

Welcome, once again.

I was thinking about how I write recently, after recieiving some criticism on short script I wrote. This script eventually became the short ShutEye, which I made with some people off my course last December.

So I guess that's not really that recent, but writing this blog made me think about my approach to writing.

In the feedback for the project there were the notes "A good, funny little script, but it should not have contained camera directions." Or something to that effect.

I never used to write camera movement and framings into my scripts, that is, until I did A-level film studies, where they made us do that. I was initially against it, but after it just became natural.

I've always wanted to be a writer/directer, rather than just one or t'other. It just seems right to write in shot framing and camera movements into a script, rather than make it like a bizarrely laid out story.

I just write it as I visualise it. Like the guy who writes those erotic comics in The Sun.

It's helpful for me, as my storyboards are terrible, and I think it gives the cast and others involved a good way to get an idea of the effect I want to acheive.

I'll stop now, becuase I'm going off on one of those director type rants.

Instead I'll talk about Frasier, a show I've loved for years. Back in the day me, my dad and my sister would watch the double bill every night religiously on Paramount Comedy. I still love it today though. Over the last two days I've watched no less than 18 episodes.

It's OK, I'm aware I have no life.

The show is so simplistic and yet so subtle. It's just extremely well written farce. But you care so much about the characters. I smile whenever I see Niles almost get with Daphne, or when they're trying to keep a truth from someone and covering it up really poorly (Martin as an astronaught, anyone?)

It's one of those shows that never dipped in quality throughout it's ten year run. A few years ago it was voted the best sitcom of all time by people in the industry. A bold claim, but one that I think is easily justifiable.

I'd love to write something as complex and layered as Fraiser, I've threw in references in past scripts I've written for various bits and bobs, and I think it's heavily influenced the way I write largely sarcastic characters.

Hell, it's influenced the way I'm a largley sarcastic character.

I mentioned lat time that there was a video blog coming soon. This was no lie. I'm currently in the preparation stages of creating, what will no doubt be, the poorest video blog (or vlog, as all the kids say) ever.

So you've got that to look forward to.

Goodnight, Seattle.

My Ashes

So I now have at least one character that I view suitable for film. And it's not like I have no other ideas for characters.

I find that I've always got rough ideas for characters, whether they're based on aspects of myself, people I know, or I've just fresh ripped off a character from something else (Matthew Kidman, anyone?) They're always there, I merely pluck them out of my mind every now and then. Really hurts.

But my mind is always a-whirring, developing something or other. Problem is that's it's oh so rare that it's something worth developing.

Sometimes though, something is there so long that it's always on my mind, maybe even if I forget it, it's always hanging there, subconsciously, like what happened the fateful summer of '97...

And that's what happened with ol' Buckethead.

I came up with him ages ago, but he was really just a name, rather than a charcter. Then suddenly I thought to myself, I make a film with an agressive cockney in it. And all the pieces fell together.

I've only really talked about films and TV shows that have inspired me thus far. But it's not only things on film that make me wanna write and shoot things. I've always considered music a large part of what makes me want to make films.

Not just a "I should be a music video directer, cus I get really strong ideas in my head when I listen to some stuff" sorta thing.

Everyone gets that. It's just a natural reaction that occurs when music affects you. And it's all well and good me saying that I have an ability that most don't, to go beyond getting the pictures in my head. But that wouldn't really be true.

And also I don't really want people be all "Who does this clown think he is, Spike Jonze?"

So let me get to the point.

I love Porcupine Tree.

REALLY love them.

You're probably asking yourself, "Who the hell are Porcupine Tree?" Well, all I have to say to you is find out for yourself.

Then buy the Deadwing album.

This band really opened me up to a new world of music. I'd always liked proggy stuff before. But the Tree just go places others are too commercially minded to tread. And listening the way they've developed over the years is really rewarding.

But theres more than them just giving me a musical hard on. Theres something about them that gives me a sense of identity as a British person.

I was never really proud to be British until I discovered Iron Maiden. I was just like "At last, heres something that the yanks didn't do better than us!" I'm sure a lot of people will be unhappy to read that. But get used to it; this country's crap.

Since discovering Maiden I've opened up to my British heritage much more, through films and all sorts, and discovering Porcupine Tree was like the colmination of that opening up. I'm there now. Full English. Bacon and eggs and what not.

I never used to want to make British films. I didn't think I could do the sort of things I wanted to do in a British film. Now I feel I can. Though, Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright are also partly responsible for that.

But I'll save that one for another time.

Video blog coming soon!!!

Alexanadu

Small Potatoes

Before I die I want to direct a good Iron Maiden video. They've had so few decent promos and as a hardcore (you know the score) fan, I reckon I might be the guy to give one those epic anthems a video that lives up to the track.

Sad reality is that they'll probably die before I even get chance, but then I could do one in their honour. I say this only because I was listening to A Matter of Life and Death earlier for the first time in a while, and forgot how mind shatteringly good it is. The guitar harmonies in the bridge of The Longest Day just make me wanna...

*has a cold shower*
That's better.

So about this character.

Yes that's right, if you read the previous post, you'll know that I have come up with a least character, for a screenplay, which I may write at somepoint.

His name, at least for the moment, is Buckethead and he's an uncooth cockney. And if I could envision anyone playing him it would be... me.

Let me explain because, as a mild mannered midlander, I naturally seem innapropriate for the role.The character originated from this silly voice I tend to do sometimes, usually whilst drunk. It's basically just a heavy cockney accent. Really heavy. And when doing it I tend insult people a lot.

As I'm sure you can guess, it's very popular.

I always knew I'd want to play a character in films I wrote. Not the main character mind, I tried that once and it made me very uncomfortable. I'd feel like an egomaniac if I wrote, direcred and was the star (sorry, Woody).

I just want the Silent Bob type role. Maybe with a few more lines. And a big sex scene. Yeah, that'd be sweet.

But seriously, this post I'd like to talk about probably my all-time favourite TV show. Probably.

The X-Files finished before I was probably old enough to truly be able to appreciate it. My mom always used to watch it, being a loyal fan since the first episode aired over here. I would watch with her occasionally and promptly soil myself in fear.

Seriously, I was afraid of nothing more than Eugene Tooms during my entire childhood.

But enough about what kept me up at night when I was 6.

I rediscovered the show a couple of years ago and have been totally hooked since. I think I only have about 6 more episodes of season 7 to watch and I'll have seen them all.

Yes it's taken me a long time, but I do have a life outside of the show.

Kinda...

This is really sad now; I have a favourite writer who worked on the show.

Vince Gilligan, to me, wrote the best episodes. Ok, you can't mess with Chris Carter's episodes either (Millagro is probably my overall favourite), but Vince Gilligan's are just so cooky.

Most hardcore fans will probably tell you that Darin Morgan wrote the best episodes. But they're wrong.

Damn wrong.

Don't get me wrong, I love all the episodes Darin Morgan wrote, but theres only four of them. From season three onwards Vince Gilligan just wrote quality episode after quality episode.

Amongst my person favourites are Pusher, Small Potatoes, Bad Blood, Drive, Dreamland 1 and 2, X-Cops, Je Souhaite and Sunshine Days. Actually, that's pretty much all of them.

See what I mean? They're all awesome.

He just has a nack for writing Mulder and Scully as people, rather than work obsessed agents for the Government machine. Theres a lot of humour in his episodes (e.g Mulder singing Shaft) and they always manage to make smile, if not laugh out loud. And trust, not much makes me laugh out loud, or "lol" as all the young people say.

The guys truly a gifted writer, though put his name into IMDB and you'll find he has a painfully short resumé.

It's tragic, but hopefully he'll write an awesome movie someday.

Or even better, they'll do more seasons of the X-Files.

Still a man can dream.

Albert Hosteen

Insert Kevin Smith quote here

By Gar, it's been a while, but like that nasty bout of crabs you can't seem to shift, I have returned. I'd love to say I've been uber busy over the last couple of weeks, but we all know that's a lie. What I count as a busy week is normal week for anyone with a job/life. However, as I sit here, head bobbing along like car insurance selling bulldog to a little Faith No More, I don't feel as unfocused as usually am.

Indeed, my head is a-buzzing, ideas swarming around, like a plague of locusts, feasting upon the delicious and plentfiful crop that is my indecision. Seriously, I've written less than a hundred words here and look how many metaphors I've packed in. I'm a machine. But like all machines, I need discipline. And oil.

It's filth, it really is. I feel like..., well, me in a porno store.

I'll stop now.

But seriously, ideas everywhere. I feel unbelievably creative. And what have I done with all my new found inspiration?

Bugger all. That's what.

Though, this doesn't necessarily mean I've made no progress. I'm a great mental worker. At school I was always crap at maths, but pretty good at mental maths. It was the writing of things down that confused me. And, yes, I'm aware this sounds completely preposterous.

When I get an idea for something and I do actually see it through, I spend weeks thinking about it. I don't like notes. I keep it all up here. I remember I once saw an interview with Peter Jackson, I think it might have been on The Two Towers DVD, and he said that he hadn't finished editing Return of the King, but had the whole movie up in his head. I was like, "That's right, Jacko, you don't need any of that paper crap."

Everytime I've written a script in the past I've thought the idea throygh completey, then just started writing. I struggle to work any other way. Well, I struggle to work any way, but you get the picture.

The product of all this is, that I now have character. Not a main character, but a character that would provide comic relief. A sort of Jay and Silent Bob-ish character, if you will. And no, it's not Asbo Dave.

More on this soon, but my last point leads me nicely onto who I'm going to make textular love to this post. And believe me, it would be love indeed, as this guy is my absolute hero.

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love Kevin Smith. I could listen to that pimp talk for hours (and do frequently). He's so much more than just a filmmaker: he's an all round class act. That is, of course, if you consider a class act to be a fat guy who goes into reasonably explicit detail about the sex he has with his wife.

You're likely to have heard of at least one of his movies (Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, the infamous Jersey Girl and, most recently, Clerks 2), though he is most popular in the cult sense.

I model myself on him, not physically, ofcourse, but he has had my dream career. Clerks has remained my favourite film since I first saw it five nearly five years ago. The other day my good friend Sam (Matthew from Alice Still Lives Here) asked me what my favourite film was these days, and I told him that it was still Clerks, simply because what it means to me.

It's a different kind of filmmaking. It's so character based, it's obscene. Which is exactly what I love, comepletely falling for a character. If I could write a character people'd love as much as Randal I'd die a happy man.

Of course, I can already die a happy man, as I was lucky enough to meet Kevin Smith last week. I went to see him do a Q and A in London, and as a complete stroke of luck I bumped into him, his wife and friend Malcolm Ingram in the back streets. Needless to say I could barely string a sentance together, but I managed to get a photo out of it.













Sure, he probably thinks I'm an idiot now, because I was all "Oh man, I wish I could find the words, but I'm totally in awe of you!" but I don't care. I love that man, and will do till my dying day.

The Albominable Snowman

"Diane, it's 1:23 PM..."

So let's get one thing straight. I'm sure you're all wondering why the hell this blog is entitled The Liquid-Chest Files. Of course, you're actually not. Hell, theres not even a "you", as no one has yet viewed this blog except me.

Still, I'll tell you anyway. Liquid-Chest Productions is the name of my production company. And now, I'm sure you're thinking "How can he have a production company if he can't even write a script?" and "What a stupid-ass name!".

Well, firstly, screw you. And secondly, I have written things in the past. Why I've even made a couple of short films. Infact, one of them, Alice Still Lives Here, went on to win the film festival at my sixth form. How exactly, I'm still not sure, considering that it's a piece of crap at best.

Saying that, though, it'll always hold a special place in heart. It was made with the intention of being my A-level coursework, but after viewing the footage after the shoot I realised that it wouldn't get me a good grade and withdrew it from submission. Instead I submitted a somewhat beefed up version of the script I had written, which contained several new scenes and instead of being a complete short film was the opening fifteen minutes of a feature film. I was especially proud of the script I submitted, as I loved how the idea developed over the process. Alice was originally a bloke named Jerry. It was after changing him to a her I realised the potential for the plot twist and a witty title (See Scorsese's Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore).

The film even has a minor cult following. It's very popular at Oxford University, where Sam (the star) attends. Apparently, and I really love this story, one girl he showed it to there didn't sleep the following night because she was so freaked out.

Anyway, enough of my rambling, you can watch it for yourself and tell me how naff you think it is right here:



This leads me nicely on to my first homage, which was probably the main inspiration for the idea. Even though I blatantly got the idea for the film, which was originally just called Jerry, from an episode of The X Files where a guy's conscience talks to him when ever he looks in a mirror. However, the character of Alice, was also loosely based on Bob, from Twin Peaks.

Twin Peaks was my first venture into the world of David Lynch, and I was absolutely blown away by it. I loved the way it darkly parodied daytime soap operas and at the same time had loads of surrealist elements. I also how genuinely bizarre most of the characters were. My favourite was, and still is, Special Agent Dale Cooper, in what has to be the best role of Kyle Machlachlan's career.

That guy was just straight up pimp. He's like a modern day (or at least early 90's) Sherlock Holmes. Nothing about him doesn't fascinate me. From his ongoing one sided conversations with the never seen Diane, to his love of coffee and cherry pie. I'd die a happy man if I wrote a character that interesting.

Another thing I loved, which wasn't included in the actual film of Alice Still Lives Here, but something I referenced in the beefier script I wrote later on, was how poignant everyday objects could be. For instance, the dangling traffic light swaying in the wind being such a prominent omen for doom and Laura Palmer's prom photo, which is like the Mona Lisa to a generation of TV junkies. But that's just David Lynch being the genius that he is.

You can see a lot of Twin Peaks in TV shows today, Lost particularly and even in things like Desperate Housewives. To me though, it's a show that's brilliance and just plain weirdness will never be matched. If you haven't yet, I sincerely recommend you check it out.

Alwax

The Beginning of the Middle

SCENE 1

INT: BEDROOM - 1:15 am

The BEDROOM is dimly lit and rather messy. On the wall we see POSTERS of various films and bands and a cluttered NOTICEBOARD filled with PHOTOGRAPHS and various pieces of crumpled paper. In the middle of the room, pushed up against the WALL there is a DESK. Sitting at this DESK there is a hunched over FIGURE, a male. His face is light by the light being emitted from his LAPTOP. This is ALEX. He appears dishevelled, disgruntled, deeply in thought and apparently hasn't shaved in days. He leans back in his CHAIR to observe his work. The SCREEN is blank.

ALEX

Bugger.

CUT TO:

This is a rough description of my life over the past months, possibly even years.

Lets back track...

As far back as I can remember I've always wanted to be a filmmaker. Actually, that's not strictly true; I can remember back to a time when I wanted to be a snowboarder. Of course a natural lack of balance and general fear of falling over soon ended that dream. Also, it's not very hilly or snowy where I live.

Anyway,

Yes, filmmaking is my dream. Not just filmmaking though; my interest is in directing and writing. This all stems from my love for writer/director Kevin Smith, the creative genius behind films such as Clerks, Dogma and erm, Clerks 2.

The Problem, however, is that I am possibly the worlds greatest procrastonater. I come up with ideas all the time (many of them half-decent, bizarrely), but I never commit them to paper.

I've written several scripts in my life. All of them either short films or sections of feature films. All of them written for educational purposes. You see, I am a film student. And, while I love scriptwriting (coupled with editing, it's my favourite part of moviemaking), the only occasions that I have actually sat down and written something have been when it's been work that I've had to hand in.

That is my tragedy: I can only seem work when I know that I have to. That and I can't seem to be able to grow a moustache.

So, you might be reading this thinking, "Why is writing a blog when he should be writing a script?" The answer, my angry young friend, is that I have to. That's right, part of my course at the University of Wales, Aberystwyth involves me having to keep a regular blog.

Now, I saw this as an excellent opporunity to kill two birds with one stone; if I choose to write my blog about my progress in getting to write a screenplay, structuring an idea for a film, simply developing a character or whatever, I could fool my brain into actually believing that I have to write something film related otherwise I'd fail my module!

Confused? You will be...

At least, I hope you will be. As I'll be making regular posts on here (at least once a week). Where I'll talk about ideas I've had, events in my day to day life that influenced said ideas and pay homage to something or someone that has influenced me on the course of my chosen career. No, not erstwhile vagabondism; screenwriting!

Please feel free to leave me comments or whatever. I welcome praise, critiscism and lonely young women.

Alex.