Insert Kevin Smith quote here

By Gar, it's been a while, but like that nasty bout of crabs you can't seem to shift, I have returned. I'd love to say I've been uber busy over the last couple of weeks, but we all know that's a lie. What I count as a busy week is normal week for anyone with a job/life. However, as I sit here, head bobbing along like car insurance selling bulldog to a little Faith No More, I don't feel as unfocused as usually am.

Indeed, my head is a-buzzing, ideas swarming around, like a plague of locusts, feasting upon the delicious and plentfiful crop that is my indecision. Seriously, I've written less than a hundred words here and look how many metaphors I've packed in. I'm a machine. But like all machines, I need discipline. And oil.

It's filth, it really is. I feel like..., well, me in a porno store.

I'll stop now.

But seriously, ideas everywhere. I feel unbelievably creative. And what have I done with all my new found inspiration?

Bugger all. That's what.

Though, this doesn't necessarily mean I've made no progress. I'm a great mental worker. At school I was always crap at maths, but pretty good at mental maths. It was the writing of things down that confused me. And, yes, I'm aware this sounds completely preposterous.

When I get an idea for something and I do actually see it through, I spend weeks thinking about it. I don't like notes. I keep it all up here. I remember I once saw an interview with Peter Jackson, I think it might have been on The Two Towers DVD, and he said that he hadn't finished editing Return of the King, but had the whole movie up in his head. I was like, "That's right, Jacko, you don't need any of that paper crap."

Everytime I've written a script in the past I've thought the idea throygh completey, then just started writing. I struggle to work any other way. Well, I struggle to work any way, but you get the picture.

The product of all this is, that I now have character. Not a main character, but a character that would provide comic relief. A sort of Jay and Silent Bob-ish character, if you will. And no, it's not Asbo Dave.

More on this soon, but my last point leads me nicely onto who I'm going to make textular love to this post. And believe me, it would be love indeed, as this guy is my absolute hero.

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love Kevin Smith. I could listen to that pimp talk for hours (and do frequently). He's so much more than just a filmmaker: he's an all round class act. That is, of course, if you consider a class act to be a fat guy who goes into reasonably explicit detail about the sex he has with his wife.

You're likely to have heard of at least one of his movies (Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, the infamous Jersey Girl and, most recently, Clerks 2), though he is most popular in the cult sense.

I model myself on him, not physically, ofcourse, but he has had my dream career. Clerks has remained my favourite film since I first saw it five nearly five years ago. The other day my good friend Sam (Matthew from Alice Still Lives Here) asked me what my favourite film was these days, and I told him that it was still Clerks, simply because what it means to me.

It's a different kind of filmmaking. It's so character based, it's obscene. Which is exactly what I love, comepletely falling for a character. If I could write a character people'd love as much as Randal I'd die a happy man.

Of course, I can already die a happy man, as I was lucky enough to meet Kevin Smith last week. I went to see him do a Q and A in London, and as a complete stroke of luck I bumped into him, his wife and friend Malcolm Ingram in the back streets. Needless to say I could barely string a sentance together, but I managed to get a photo out of it.













Sure, he probably thinks I'm an idiot now, because I was all "Oh man, I wish I could find the words, but I'm totally in awe of you!" but I don't care. I love that man, and will do till my dying day.

The Albominable Snowman

"Diane, it's 1:23 PM..."

So let's get one thing straight. I'm sure you're all wondering why the hell this blog is entitled The Liquid-Chest Files. Of course, you're actually not. Hell, theres not even a "you", as no one has yet viewed this blog except me.

Still, I'll tell you anyway. Liquid-Chest Productions is the name of my production company. And now, I'm sure you're thinking "How can he have a production company if he can't even write a script?" and "What a stupid-ass name!".

Well, firstly, screw you. And secondly, I have written things in the past. Why I've even made a couple of short films. Infact, one of them, Alice Still Lives Here, went on to win the film festival at my sixth form. How exactly, I'm still not sure, considering that it's a piece of crap at best.

Saying that, though, it'll always hold a special place in heart. It was made with the intention of being my A-level coursework, but after viewing the footage after the shoot I realised that it wouldn't get me a good grade and withdrew it from submission. Instead I submitted a somewhat beefed up version of the script I had written, which contained several new scenes and instead of being a complete short film was the opening fifteen minutes of a feature film. I was especially proud of the script I submitted, as I loved how the idea developed over the process. Alice was originally a bloke named Jerry. It was after changing him to a her I realised the potential for the plot twist and a witty title (See Scorsese's Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore).

The film even has a minor cult following. It's very popular at Oxford University, where Sam (the star) attends. Apparently, and I really love this story, one girl he showed it to there didn't sleep the following night because she was so freaked out.

Anyway, enough of my rambling, you can watch it for yourself and tell me how naff you think it is right here:



This leads me nicely on to my first homage, which was probably the main inspiration for the idea. Even though I blatantly got the idea for the film, which was originally just called Jerry, from an episode of The X Files where a guy's conscience talks to him when ever he looks in a mirror. However, the character of Alice, was also loosely based on Bob, from Twin Peaks.

Twin Peaks was my first venture into the world of David Lynch, and I was absolutely blown away by it. I loved the way it darkly parodied daytime soap operas and at the same time had loads of surrealist elements. I also how genuinely bizarre most of the characters were. My favourite was, and still is, Special Agent Dale Cooper, in what has to be the best role of Kyle Machlachlan's career.

That guy was just straight up pimp. He's like a modern day (or at least early 90's) Sherlock Holmes. Nothing about him doesn't fascinate me. From his ongoing one sided conversations with the never seen Diane, to his love of coffee and cherry pie. I'd die a happy man if I wrote a character that interesting.

Another thing I loved, which wasn't included in the actual film of Alice Still Lives Here, but something I referenced in the beefier script I wrote later on, was how poignant everyday objects could be. For instance, the dangling traffic light swaying in the wind being such a prominent omen for doom and Laura Palmer's prom photo, which is like the Mona Lisa to a generation of TV junkies. But that's just David Lynch being the genius that he is.

You can see a lot of Twin Peaks in TV shows today, Lost particularly and even in things like Desperate Housewives. To me though, it's a show that's brilliance and just plain weirdness will never be matched. If you haven't yet, I sincerely recommend you check it out.

Alwax

The Beginning of the Middle

SCENE 1

INT: BEDROOM - 1:15 am

The BEDROOM is dimly lit and rather messy. On the wall we see POSTERS of various films and bands and a cluttered NOTICEBOARD filled with PHOTOGRAPHS and various pieces of crumpled paper. In the middle of the room, pushed up against the WALL there is a DESK. Sitting at this DESK there is a hunched over FIGURE, a male. His face is light by the light being emitted from his LAPTOP. This is ALEX. He appears dishevelled, disgruntled, deeply in thought and apparently hasn't shaved in days. He leans back in his CHAIR to observe his work. The SCREEN is blank.

ALEX

Bugger.

CUT TO:

This is a rough description of my life over the past months, possibly even years.

Lets back track...

As far back as I can remember I've always wanted to be a filmmaker. Actually, that's not strictly true; I can remember back to a time when I wanted to be a snowboarder. Of course a natural lack of balance and general fear of falling over soon ended that dream. Also, it's not very hilly or snowy where I live.

Anyway,

Yes, filmmaking is my dream. Not just filmmaking though; my interest is in directing and writing. This all stems from my love for writer/director Kevin Smith, the creative genius behind films such as Clerks, Dogma and erm, Clerks 2.

The Problem, however, is that I am possibly the worlds greatest procrastonater. I come up with ideas all the time (many of them half-decent, bizarrely), but I never commit them to paper.

I've written several scripts in my life. All of them either short films or sections of feature films. All of them written for educational purposes. You see, I am a film student. And, while I love scriptwriting (coupled with editing, it's my favourite part of moviemaking), the only occasions that I have actually sat down and written something have been when it's been work that I've had to hand in.

That is my tragedy: I can only seem work when I know that I have to. That and I can't seem to be able to grow a moustache.

So, you might be reading this thinking, "Why is writing a blog when he should be writing a script?" The answer, my angry young friend, is that I have to. That's right, part of my course at the University of Wales, Aberystwyth involves me having to keep a regular blog.

Now, I saw this as an excellent opporunity to kill two birds with one stone; if I choose to write my blog about my progress in getting to write a screenplay, structuring an idea for a film, simply developing a character or whatever, I could fool my brain into actually believing that I have to write something film related otherwise I'd fail my module!

Confused? You will be...

At least, I hope you will be. As I'll be making regular posts on here (at least once a week). Where I'll talk about ideas I've had, events in my day to day life that influenced said ideas and pay homage to something or someone that has influenced me on the course of my chosen career. No, not erstwhile vagabondism; screenwriting!

Please feel free to leave me comments or whatever. I welcome praise, critiscism and lonely young women.

Alex.